


Meaning More

by TheSightlessSniper



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Writing, Bottom Harvey, M/M, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Much Canon Divergence, Out of Character, Seriously I think that particular tag applies to literally everything I write, Spoilers for season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-21 06:49:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11352090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSightlessSniper/pseuds/TheSightlessSniper
Summary: Falling into bed with Mike wasn't on his list of things he was meant to do on a Tuesday night.Falling into bed with Mike and having the other make him see paradise was definitely not on the cards, but it had happened nevertheless.





	Meaning More

**Author's Note:**

> So...first Suits fic. Yay?
> 
> I needed a break from Kuro for a while. The fandom wank surrounding recent chapters has kind of put me off writing for it for the moment. So I've ended up falling head over heels for Marvey, and have now shifted to ALSO writing horrible OOC crap for that lovely pairing.
> 
> For that, Marvey fandom, I am so goddamn sorry. Here's hoping I don't disappoint you guys too much!
> 
> Read the tags-there's possible spoilers for the series in this.

Falling into bed with Mike wasn't on his list of things he was meant to do on a Tuesday night.

Falling into bed with Mike and having the other make him see paradise was definitely not on the cards, but it had happened nevertheless.

Harvey shifted uncomfortably, ignoring Donna’s face staring at him through the glass. The other had been a wild animal—an untamed stallion was what he could most liken him to—with a vigour to match, and he was definitely feeling it.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t kept begging for more, though.

So when Mike rounded the corner and sank down into the seat opposite him at his desk, he didn’t expect the timid look on his face. ‘So…how are you?’

‘Fine.’

‘Listen, I didn't mean to—I mean, if I’d known we were going to—ah, I’m just…I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be. I’m fine.’

The truth was that he wasn’t. But he hoped he’d covered enough of the not-fineness under Mike’s apologetic scrutiny before the other caught on.

 

Lying on Friday night, Harvey stared at the bedroom ceiling aimlessly.

He could remember every detail of their coupling as vividly as if he had Mike's memory. The way Mike had touched him, fondled him, stroked him. The way he’d pushed back on Mike’s lubricant-slicked fingers as that jolt of unfamiliar pleasure had reverberated through his lower half. The slightly painful burn of Mike pushing into him, only for it to be drowned out in torturous ecstasy as he’d sought out that same little spot and abused it over and over.

Before Mike, he had refused to believe that anyone could come that way without external stimulation. But he’d been proven wrong the moment that the other had pulled them upright, Harvey’s back to his chest, and thrusted deep and hard and fast.

Mike hadn’t stayed. And when his mind had finally come down, Harvey had slept in those sheets that still smelled like the both of them, still soaked with their sweat and sexual fluids.

He swallowed thickly, gaze dropping to the phone on his nightstand. He could call him. See if he was up for another round. Maybe he’d even stay that time.

Number dialled, he waited.

‘…Harvey?’

‘Mike.’

‘What…what’s up?’

‘Are you busy?’

There was shuffling in the background, and a voice. _‘Whose on the phone?’_

Rachel…it was Rachel’s voice.

Mike cleared his throat. ‘Uh…I’m busy at the moment, but I’ve got a minute.’ The muffled sound of a door closing. ‘Harvey?’

‘Forget it.’ Harvey hung up.

 

When his cleaning lady asked him about the damp stain on his pillow later that Saturday afternoon, he pretended he didn’t hear her.

 

Before Mike, Harvey’d had feelings for exactly two men.

One had been a high school mistake—the closeted head of the football team who had kissed him in a literal closet at a party, then threatened to out him by saying he’d forced himself on him when they were in class the next day.

The other had been at a distance—a married man who Jessica had been working on a case with. His dedication to his own principles had stopped anything from happening there, but if the other had asked, even he would have questioned going against his moral compass for him.

Mike had been the third overall, and the first to be non-threatening and unattached.

But he would never tell him that that he was his _first_. Not after that phone call.

 

Donna appeared at his door on Sunday night, long coat covering her sweats and slim-fit t-shirt, and a bag of Indian food hanging from one hand. ‘You’ve been miserable all week. I know it has something to do with a certain blond-haired, blue-eyed junior partner, and I want all the details, gory or otherwise.’

They’d been a little mad at each other in recent months, unsure of where they stood with each other. But she always came through for him.

Harvey wasn’t that hungry—he hadn’t been hungry since long before Friday’s phone call—but he ate part of the spicy curry and lemon rice anyway to placate her.

Pushing some of the vegetables with his fork, he took in a deep breath, then spoke. ‘I had sex with Mike on Tuesday.’

The sight of Donna choking on a bite of her own meal in shock was almost satisfying enough to crack through his gloom.

When she finally stopped coughing, she got up and got a beer out of the fridge, draining half of the bottle before stopping and staring at him. ‘You had sex with him?’

‘Yeah.’

‘How did it happen?’

He told her; how Mike had appeared at his door, engagement ring gripped in his fist and saying he and Rachel were through. Donna nodded along—Rachel had told her about the argument, obviously—but it wasn’t enough. ‘How did you end up in bed after that?’

‘I told him to take a shower to calm down, and that he could sleep on the couch for as long as he needed. We talked. And then we just weren’t talking anymore…he was kissing me, and I—‘ he cut himself off and stared down at his half-empty plate. His appetite was long gone.

When he blurted out the bit about the phone call, Donna placed a hand on his forearm. ‘Harvey.’

‘You know what makes it worse? I—‘ he took a mouthful from the beer bottle in his hand, ‘I actually thought he was it. He was the guy I could trust to…’

‘…Oh.’

‘Probably hard to believe there was anything virginal left about Harvey Specter.’ He chuckled humourlessly, but it was barely two seconds before tears silently rolled down his cheeks.

Donna slept in his bed next to him that night, a thin sheet separating their still-clothed, entwined bodies and her lips pressed into his hair like a mother with her child. Whatever sexual tension had been between them for the past few years, and the emotional strain from recent months, dissipated in the space of seven hours of sleep and by the time the light streaming through the windows signalled the start of a new working day, their relationship was almost back to what it was when they’d first joined the firm together.

She left at seven to get ready for work, but not without the soft, friendly smile they hadn’t shared in a long time.

 

When Rachel walked past his door and shot him a greeting wave, the only thing he saw as he blindly waved back was the mocking glint of metal and jewels on her left ring finger.

 

He completely avoided anything to do with Mike for almost an entire morning.

‘Harvey, I need to borrow Donna for an hour.’ Louis peered around the glass doorway.

‘Why?’

‘Because I need to her to be her beautiful ruthless self while pretending to be placid arm-candy when one of my clients comes in.’

‘If she agrees to it, fine.’

That got Louis’s attention. ‘Oh my god, what happened between you two?’

‘Nothing, Louis. It’s a whole other issue I’ve got on my mind right now,’ he shot him a weary half-smile, hoping to placate his thirst for the gossip.

No such luck. ‘Does this have something to do with Mike and Rachel?’

He couldn’t stop the tightness sounding in his voice. ‘Why would that bother me?’

‘Because I haven’t seen Mike come in here all morning and usually you two are shooting quotes back and forth like you were _in_ the movies you’re quoting. And he hasn’t been in here since Friday afternoon.’

_When did Louis get so perceptive?_ Harvey breathed in, trying to cobble together an answer that wasn’t, “My best friend who I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with took the last shred of proverbial innocence I had left in the world then got back together with his fiance within the space of less than a week, so now I want to crawl into a hole and wait for the earth to eat me alive”.

He didn’t even have to say anything. Louis’s eyebrows shifted minutely. ‘We’ll talk about it later. So it’s okay to take Donna to meet the client?’

‘Sure…and thank you, Louis.’

‘For what?’

‘Just thank you.’ _Thanks for being concerned about me_.

 

Mike showed up in his office not ten minutes after Louis left.

The other waltzed in and flopped down onto his couch like there was nothing wrong, dumping a signed contract and a bunch of research on the coffee table. ‘Our client is an asshole. He might be in the right, but he’s an asshole.’

‘He’s allowed to be. His livelihood and his kids’ education is at stake,’ Harvey replied, aware of the robotic tone he put forth. His logic—if he acted like a robot and talked like one, maybe he could tamp the feelings down.

Mike stared at him for a moment, then got up and closed and locked the door. ‘Harvey, about the call on Friday…’

‘There's nothing to talk about.’

‘There is, and you know it.’

He didn’t want to talk about it. He had cried enough last night to Donna. He didn’t want to do it again and not in front of him.

Mike leaned on the opposite side of his desk, voice lower. ‘Harvey, what we did—‘

‘I don't want to talk about it, Mike. I don't. You and Rachel broke up. You came to mine. You fucked me. You got back together with her. End of story.’

Every short sentence was like a gunshot. The penny dropped. Mike’s shocked gaze bore into his, too heavy to take, and Harvey stood and turned towards the window, leaning on the low cabinets holding his things instead of Jessica’s.

He briefly contemplated and tried to calculate exactly how much time he would have to enjoy the weightless free-fall before smashing into the sidewalk below if he were to crash through one of the windows.

‘Was it more than a one-night-stand for you?’

Silence.

‘…Harvey, please.’

‘There's nothing left to say.’

‘Bullshit.’

Harvey turned back around, eyes dark, and head pounding from holding back the tears that wanted to spring forth. ‘Yes.’

‘Yes?’

‘It meant more.’

The air in the room was a leaden weight. Mike blinked back at him, swallowing thickly and mouth cascading open wordlessly.

Harvey shook his head. ‘It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s done.’

‘Harvey, if—‘

‘It doesn’t matter anymore. Tell her I said hi when you see her.’

‘Damnit, will you just let me talk for five fucking minutes?’ the question came out almost as a shout.

Harvey didn’t even flinch. ‘Five minutes isn’t going to accomplish shit.’

‘It took four minutes and twenty-eight seconds for me and Rachel to have that fight and break up. I could see the clock the entire time.’

‘And it took less than a week for you to get back together.’

‘When you called me on Friday, I wished I hadn’t.’

Mike leaned back up to a standing position, picked up the documents he had been about to work on, then made his exit, leaving the door open in his wake.

It took exactly ten seconds for Harvey to bolt to the elevators, press the button to an unused floor, and cry his eyes out in one of the empty board rooms.

 

In an afternoon meeting with clients, they worked together fine. There were no quips to each other, but the clients didn’t seem to pick up on the tension between them.

When Harvey got behind the closed doors of the men’s bathroom, the panic attack reached a head, and he ended up vomiting what little he’d managed to eat for lunch in one of the claustrophobic cubicles.

Donna had already booked an appointment with Dr. Agard by the time he made it back to his desk, a glass of water and a clandestinely-sourced dose of anxiety medication sitting atop it.

 

At ten PM, Mike turned up on his doorstep with a bruised cheek and a burning red handprint on his face.

Against his better judgment, Harvey nodded him in.

The other looked sheepish as he hesitantly crossed the threshold. ‘FYI, Donna has a mean backhand.’

‘What are you doing here?’

It came out so sharply, Mike physically flinched. ‘I can’t…I can’t not talk about this.’

‘There’s nothing left to talk about. Go home to your fiance.’

Mike said nothing. Instead, he pushed past him, heading towards the freezer and pulling out an ice pack.

He sighed in relief as it touched to his throbbing cheek. ‘Donna came around and tore me a new one.’

‘She gave you the patented backhand. She must have been seriously pissed.’

‘Yeah.’ Mike tried to shoot him a smile, but ended up wincing.

He wanted to tell him he deserved every iota of pain going through his cheek. He ached to feel a full-bodied satisfaction at his aching face.

Instead, he sighed and moved closer, pulling the pack away from his face to check the damage. ‘You’re not the only one who has felt this. She once got totally wasted on a combination of champagne, red wine, and Long Island Iced Teas and got a little too enthusiastic when she went to slap someone’s ass.’

‘Really?’

‘The guy she went to hit moved, and I got the full force on my ass and and thigh.’ Avoiding eye contact, he put the pack back on Mike’s cheek. ‘FYI, you’re going to feel that for approximately two weeks. Three if she actually _meant_ to hit you.’

‘Oh she meant to hit me alright.’

‘Was she wearing a ring?’

Mike held up three fingers. ‘Do I have a row of indents on my face?’

‘No, but the bruising is going to blossom like the world's ugliest flower.’

Mike’s eyes followed his every move. He rifled around in a nearby drawer, tugging out a blister packet of painkillers and setting them down on the counter before grabbing a glass from one of the cupboards and filling it with water. ‘These are for when my shoulder flares up. If you take any, don’t go for the scotch—I’ve made that mistake before.’

‘What happened?’

‘I passed out on the deck. Almost went over the railings.’ He conveniently left out the way he’d been feeling the night that particular incident had gone down; there was a reason there was only two pills left in the pack, and there had definitely been a reason he’d been standing that close to the railing in the first place.

If Mike had somehow guessed, he said nothing, and took both the pills. And then—

‘It meant more to me too.’

 

Mike ended up sat next to him on the couch, socked feet pulled up onto the middle cushion and leaning his back against the armrest. Harvey’s remained solidly on the floor.

‘I meant it, Harvey. I regretted getting back with her the second I heard your voice on the phone.’

‘It doesn’t matter now.’

‘It does.’ He paused. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you hadn’t done that before?’

_Donna_. ‘Would you have believed me? That serial womaniser Harvey Specter still had some kind of virginity left in him?’

‘I should have known.’

‘…How would you have—‘

‘There was this moment…when I was above you. You got this fleeting look of fear in your eyes when you felt me there. I should have known.’ Out of habit, Mike swirled the water in his glass around as if there was alcohol in there, ice clinking against the side. He didn’t look up. ‘I wasn’t exactly gentle with you.’

‘You were as gentle as I needed you to be.’

Mike’s eyes finally flicked to meet his. ‘It meant so much to me that I was allowed to do that with you. And it’s cliche as all hell, but it means even more now I know you gave me your first.’

Harvey waited for the but.

Instead Mike balanced his glass on the flat of the couch cushion, dipping one hand into his pocket while prising one of Harvey’s away from his glass of scotch with the other. A second later, something cold dropped into his palm.

The ring resting there was unmistakeable.

Mike rose to fetch more water, and Harvey stayed in place staring at the jewellery glinting back at him. ‘This is—‘

‘It meant more to me too, Harvey.’

 

He didn’t know how the hell they made it to the bedroom after that.

After the ring had clattered from his palm to the wooden floor, he and Mike had been all over each other in an instant; the two glasses went flying to the floor, tumbling onto the rug, and their bodies immediately fitted together, entwined with tongues flicking between their mouths, hands skating over skin and through hair like dancers on ice.

And then they were on his bed together, touching and grinding and moaning, and tugging at each other’s clothes in fervent desperation to get to the flesh that lay below.

There was a moment of quiet in the midst of it all where everything just stopped for a second, and Harvey took the second to comprehend that it was happening—that Mike had left his fiance, and he’d left her to be with him—and despite not having said those immortal words, the feelings there were completely, utterly, one-hundred-percent mutual and reciprocated.

The reverie ended when Mike’s hand touched to his cheek. ‘Harvey?’

He laughed breathlessly. ‘Just can’t believe this turn of events.’

Everything slowed down. Mike dipped down and kissed him again, pressing their foreheads together as the hand that had been on his face drifted down his front to its destination.

When he hit the point of orgasm, they hit back hard. The first one—when Mike’s hand kept moving on him despite his half-hearted protests at wanting to wait until Mike was inside of him—was frenzied and almost came as a shock, leaving him whimpering at the intensity when he started to get sensitive.

The second one was more gradual; when Mike penetrated him, Harvey had still been soft from the first. But as the thrusts built, increasing in tempo and becoming frenzied, he’d quickly been brought back up to full stiffness, length bouncing between them as the other slammed into him and grazed his sweet spot every single time. It wasn’t quite the handless orgasm of their first time, but it hadn’t taken more than a few soft brushes of fingers against his erection to send him headlong into a loud second wave of euphoria, Mike barely two seconds behind him.

That time, Mike stayed.

Harvey finally got a good night sleep.

 

Adjustment was—at least with anyone who wasn’t Donna—difficult.

He had expected more issues between himself, Mike, and Rachel. She was still incredibly upset, and seething about the second break-up of the engagement within a single week, but even with all of that hanging in the air like a cloud, her congratulations on their relationship was at very least semi-sincere. Time, hopefully, would fix the rest of the damage.

Louis was immediately and almost overwhelmingly congratulatory. ‘Coming out is still difficult in our field. You remember Darby. You’ve seen it. Corporate law is still an old boy’s club where anyone who isn’t a straight white male gets shit thrown at them for it, so for two of the best lawyers in the city to come out as bisexual and announce they’re in a relationship together is like taking a shit on their drive and making the bigots walk through it in their best Italian leather. I’m proud of both of you.’

For the briefest second, he had actually wanted to actively hug Louis, and Mike ended up doing it himself. They both turned down the offer of going mudding, though.

The hardest thing to deal with, to their shock, had been some of the new associates. Apparently homophobia hadn’t been nixed by law school because Harvey couldn’t remember how many times in the first two days of he and Mike’s new relationship being public that he had heard someone whispering _‘Ross must have fucked his way back up the ladder after prison’_ and _‘Clearly at least one of them is taking it up the ass to get their way in the courtroom’_.

In those two days, both of them bore witness to Louis firing four associates for the inappropriate comments, and Donna stiffly reprimanding at least another two.

Adjustment was difficult, and it would take a long time before anything would get back to some semblance of normal.

But every morning, when Mike planted a kiss on his lips before heading off to his own office, it made the bullshit they had to put up with worth it a hundred times over.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed...whatever this is!


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